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Friday 25 April 2014

Annabel too ...

My finger has been hovering over the 'publish' button for what seems an age ... but Thriftwood is about me, how I feel, and what is happening in my life ... a journal for me to delve back into, and to remember ....

The 'About Me' on my sidebar tells you that I am a mother of five wonderful children, but perhaps you may have noticed that only four of them are ever mentioned?

Today is our darling girl's 18th birthday ... a bittersweet day - there will be no champagne, no pink birthday cake, no new dress or party ... there will be no excitement, no friends and family dropping in with cards and presents ... no celebrations.

Our first daughter was born 18 years ago ... after a textbook pregnancy, she arrived quickly, 2 days past her due date, weighing 9lbs 2oz, with a head of dark curls and rosebud lips... perfect in every way, but she had already left us.

Although with us for such a short time, she taught me so much ... we already had three gorgeous boys, and although I know that everyone thought I was hoping for a girl, I really didn't mind. I had always wanted four children, and it didn't matter one bit whether they were pink or blue.  I didn't know I was having a girl, that part just wasn't important. She taught me to never take anything for granted again, she taught me for a while to be patient, the little trivialities in life just weren't important any more, and she taught me to be so thankful for what I have, as all too quickly it can disappear.

The following year my beautiful second daughter Millie was born.

So today, there will be no champagne, no pink birthday cake, no new dress or party ... there will be no excitement, no friends and family dropping in with cards and presents, but in my heart I will be celebrating that my precious Annabel was once a part of me ...

Love, Claire xxx


51 comments:

  1. I had a sister who was born and left the same way as your daughter, on april the 13th, she would have been 42 this year, and I still miss her and think of her and what might have been. They are a part of us even though they didnt live in the normal way as others in our families have, but they are never forgotten either! Thinking of you Claire on this special day and special post.

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  2. Blessings to you Claire, I hope you will not be celebrating alone and that you have good and happy memories to hold on to and that despite your sadness, there will be more smiles than tears today. Betty x

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  3. Thinking of you with tears in my eyes Claire
    Jenny

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  4. A special post ~ on a special day ~ about a very special girl. Thinking of you today, Anita xo

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  5. Oh my sweet, try as I might I have no suitable comment to leave. This is your day to remember your daughter & quite rightly that you should do so. Annabel is such a lovely name. Take care xx

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  6. This is such a special day for you and your beautiful Annabel and if I were you I' d be drinking champagne and eating cake to celebrate just as I do on my beloved sister's birthday. Thanks for sharing such a lovely post, gone but never forgotten x

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  7. Oh Claire
    What a wonderful post and it was lovely to read about your beautiful Annabel.
    I must confess I had a little weep after reading today, but I never see crying as a bad thing..
    I am assuming that was Millie with you on Monday? She is so lovely.
    Hope you did ok Monday and I will see you again soon.
    I run a craft group once a month on a Monday for 2 hours (just bring your own stuff to work on), it's at the Abbotsvale Community Centre, if you are able to come and are interested contact me (Email is on blog).
    Thinking of you today, love Debbiex

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  8. Thank you for sharing this with us Claire, and saying a wee prayer for you all today as you remember your special girl. Love & hugs, Gilly xx

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  9. Thank you for sharing these very precious thoughts and memories with us Claire. I learned many years ago that it is a miracle that any of us are here, and whether we live many or few moments they all count and matter to those around us. Hugs and kisses on this special day. Philippa xx

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  10. Sending heartfelt hugs to you and yours Claire... Cass x

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  11. And another heartfelt hug from France. Your beautiful, eldest daughter made you who you are in many ways. I will think of you and your family today.

    Stephanie

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  12. My heart really goes out to you Claire. Your so brave sharing this with everyone. I can't imagine how painful this is and my thoughts go to you and your family. Sending you all love and good thoughts.
    Hugs Ali xx

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  13. Thinking of you all today - I too have known what it is to lose a child

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  14. Thinking of you also, Claire...
    ~ All of you.
    As you remember your beautiful little Annabel on this special day..
    Heartfelt hugs and kindest thoughts....
    Maria x

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  15. Thank you for sharing your beautiful daughter with us. xxx

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  16. Sending warm hugs and wishes x Jane

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  17. Sending warm hugs and wishes x Jane

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  18. Thank you for sharing, big hugs to you
    Julie xxxxxxx

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  19. Such a sweet tribute to your precious little Annabel. Such a bittersweet day for you and your family. Sending love and a big hug.
    Helen xox

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  20. Thank you for sharing Annabels' story with us here, I'll light a candle tonight, sending light and love to you and your family tonight.
    Nicky
    x

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  21. How wonderful that she will never be forgotten.

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  22. thinking of you, I'm sure Annabel is looking down on her lovely family x

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  23. Sending love, birthdays are so hard when your precious child isn't here to celebrate. Thinking of you and of Annabel, what a beautiful name. x

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  24. Keep her always in your heart. I had 4 handsome boys but only write about three of them. Sam was with us for just eleven hours, each one precious and treasured. He would have been 26 now. Still in our hearts. A lovely post, thanks for pushing publish.

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  25. What a precious memory...I can only imagine what it must have been like for you and your family to lose your child...
    It's so beautiful you can live in her membrance and take nothing for granted...
    In dutch we say: PLUK DE DAG
    which means: seize the day or carpe diem...

    Sending you a great hug, MJ

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  26. Hi Clare, thinking of you sweetie. Big bear hugs. Xx

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  27. I am so sad for your loss, but glad to know that you still remember your beautiful daughter, no matter how short a time she was with you. Take care of yourself and I hope that you have an OK weekend. xx

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  28. Beautiful words Claire..there is nothing I can say except that I am thinking of you my love
    Thea xx

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  29. Sending you love. Happy Birthday Annabel xxx

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  30. Thank you for sharing such a beautifully written post Claire, thinking of you all today xx

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  31. Lord have mercy...,,,
    Hugs!

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  32. I`m thinking of you and sending you a big hug right now!

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  33. Claire you are a remarkable, brave and inspiring person, and I so wish I could give you a hug right now. lots of love xx

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  34. Beautiful words Claire ... my mum lost my sister in the same way and she feels the loss as if it was yesterday ... thinking of you and sending love and hugs ... Bee xx

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  35. I really feel for you Claire. I lost my brother 44 years ago when he was three months. I still remember two parts of his life (as I was only 2) and cherish both moments to this day. I personally lost 4 of my own babies due to miscarriages but still think of them and what they may have been doing had they been born. I send you lots of warm hugs xx

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  36. A very touching post.............I am sad to say I understand only too well your pain.....my eldest lad would have been 16 in a few months.......he lived only a few minutes and was already gone by the time they laid him in my arms.........somehow the hours turn to days and time moves on........but you are never the same again.....there is always the empty place at the table, the hook that never gets a coat hung on it, the presents missing from under the tree....and the life that goes unlived.......I am sorry you had to know how this feels.......very pretty name Annabel....for a very pretty girl I`m sure. XX

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  37. Bless you, I shed a tear with you. Much love.

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  38. Oh! dear Claire .....this has touched me...and brings back memories. I am at a loss for words......
    Such a compliment that you have shared this with us!

    Amanda xx

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  39. Claire, such a sad post. I cant imagine how on earth you pick yourselves up from that but you do and you have. Annabel will always be part of your family and I am sure one day you will all be reunited again. God Bless Claire XX

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  40. Well, I'll wish Annabel a Happy Birthday - she'd have felt so loved by her parents and big brothers and all of you willl always remember her and hold a special place in your hearts and family for her. She'll always be part of you. Take care Ax

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  41. God bless you and your family Claire,lots of love and a virtual hug for you Pam xx

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  42. I am lost for the right words to say so I hope I don't say the wrong thing! I just wanted to say how very sad I feel - I really cannot imagine how you felt then and how you feel today but it does make me feel lucky to have my two (dysfunctional at times) sons here on earth - I'm glad you shared this and I hope all the above messages comfort you on this special day xxxxxx

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  44. Oh Claire Sending you the biggest hug! xxxxx

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  45. Reading this gave me goosebumps. Sending love to you, and thank you for sharing your story, it can;t have been easy pressing that publish button x x x x

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  46. You wrote that beautifully Claire, sending you my very best wishes x

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  47. That brought tears to my eyes :'( Bless little Annabel, and hugs to you too :) xXx

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  48. I love your blog - its a very happy place but so glad you shared this with us. How lovely to remember Annabel and share her little place in the world and in your family. Wish I could give you a hug. xx

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I love to hear what you think of my ramblings and value all your comments ... I will try and get back to you, but am sorry if I don't always manage this ... sometimes real life just gets in the way! Claire xxx