I think it's very important that we all have dreams to aspire to, and aims to move towards, but sometimes I'm guilty of not enjoying the moment I'm in, but instead looking forward to something in the future ... or living in the past and dwelling on things that should be long-forgotten.... and worse still, worrying about things that may never happen ...
When my children were little, it seemed that everyone else was urging them towards the next target ... weaning, first tooth, sitting up, crawling, walking, etc, etc ... looking back with hindsight, I feel a lot of pressure is put on us as Mums to have our children performing as is the 'norm'. I wish I'd enjoyed each moment when it happened, instead of hurtling towards the next milestone ... before you know it, they are grown up ...
Sorry for rambling, but what I think I'm trying to say, is that I don't want to conform any more! Don't panic, I'm not going to start breaking the law or anything drastic like that, I just want to live a much simpler life. I'm very lucky that I work from home and know that this isn't an option for everyone.
I love being at home, I've never been the career woman, even though I had a good job as a personal secretary (probably a PA nowadays!) before I had my children, but it seems that it's something we have to apologise for, not going out into the world to make a buck to enable us to buy all the material possessions, that because of the hours worked, there is no time to enjoy them. I'm rambling a bit aren't I?
My husband has a good job that enables us to get by ... and I earn money as a child minder which covers extras and my stock for vintage fairs ... we grow our own vegetables, keep chickens, furnish our home from second-hand warehouses, cook from scratch and a Chinese take-away is a rare treat. We no longer have family holidays abroad, (there have only been 3 in the whole of our married life, and we had to scrimp and save so much for them, they hardly seemed worth it!) as we are going through the 'uni years' ... and with 4 children, this is expensive. This is our choice, and we are lucky to be able to do this ... it's not for everyone, and I'm not trying to push my lifestyle onto anyone else.
We don't waste anything. Food left on plates goes in the dog ... other kitchen scraps go in the chickens or compost bin. Leftover food is made into something else and if we renew anything, the old item is recycled. Some people would view this as tight ... I know differently ... How can we justify throwing away last weeks food, just to overfill our fridges and cupboards with food that will be thrown away next week, when there are starving children, not only in the world, but also in our own home towns, where food banks are springing up regularly?
Just up the road from me a new Tesco has arrived. Oh the excitement! I'm not going to be so hypocritical to say that I won't ever darken its doors,because I will, but even more small, local businesses are going to suffer or even worse, close down. When I was first married, I could shop at a butchers, bakers, greengrocers, hardware shop, post office, chemist, florists, woolshop and more ... mostly these have gone, but I would far prefer this way of shopping than pushing a wonky trolley around a soulless supermarket.
What I'm trying to say is, I'm happy with what I've got, a lovely family, good health, roof over our heads and food in the cupboards. I don't hanker after the latest car or tv, I have my dreams, and if they come true that's fantastic, but if they don't, well that's ok too.
I don't want to come across as smug, and there are lots of people who will recoil in horror at my way of life, but it's my life and I like it! I also know that there are people who will think I'm extremely lucky and I do try to count my blessings every day.
What do you think? Would you like to opt out of the rat race on a small scale like me, or move it up a notch and be completely self-sufficient, or would that be your idea of a nightmare? Lets have a bit of a debate to get the cogs whirring ...
Have a lovely week,
Love, Claire xxx
Oh quelles magnifiques fleures!! J`adore et quelle jolie message !!
ReplyDeleteBonne semaine!
xxx Maria xxx
Thank you Maria ... they are rather magnificent flowers, aren't they?
DeleteLove you popping in ...
Claire xxx
What a thought provoking post Claire.
ReplyDeleteIts funny as I could relate to some of the things you were talking about. I have been thinking about posting a similar post on my blog. About my life and the fact that I choose to be a stay at home mum and firmly believe that although my girls are at school they still need me on hand at this time in their lives. But how I feel guilty or somehow lacking because I don't earn a wage. I greatly admire women that follow their career paths with dedication and passion and juggle a family life. And although I would not say I am not ambitious I don't have a burning desire at this moment in my life to chase a career. And yes i am fortunate that I have a husband who has a job that pays enough so we can manage. There are sacrifices of course but I feel they are worth it to give my girls what I feel they need. It is a very personal choice though and I appriciate it's not for everyone.
And I guess as a consequence of the way we choose to live we are more aware of waste and buying for the sake of it than we ever did before we had the girls. We are a long way from being frugal but we are getting better and re use or plan for things a lot more. Although i have always loved to re-do or use furniture from years ago.
I have loved this post Claire and I think it sounds like you have and your family have the right lives that suit you.
And good luck with your dreams its important to have dreams.
P x
ReplyDeleteHello Paula, thanks for your comments and please don't ever feel guilty for being a stay at home Mum! Not everyone's choice at all, and I, like you, admire those who manage to go out to work, arrange childcare and look after their homes ... I just know I wouldn't have been able to do it, so we cut our cloth accordingly, so to speak! Again, it's all about choice, but neither should we have to feel apologetic about the life we choose for ourselves and our family.
Love Claire xxx
Such an interesting post Claire. I think you are on the right track to a more contented and meaningful existence.
ReplyDeleteI'm from a previous generation where working mothers were frowned upon. How opinions have come full circle where nowadays a stay-at-home Mum is often frowned upon.
In retirement we made a move back to the country for a quieter life in a "village" where we still have a family medical clinic, a butcher, bakery, pharmacy, newsagent, produce & hardware store, a post office, a bank, an independent grocery store .. and we are greeted by our first name and my groceries are often carried to the car by the manager! When I go to the Post Office to collect my mail, I am often greeted by the postal managers' hens, and customers are often offered fresh eggs, lemons or apples at the post office counter. I notice the difference when I shop at, say, Woolworths supermarket in a nearby town - rarely does the checkout girl have time to make as much as eye contact with her customers and if she does, there is no smile.
We are not self-sufficient, but we have come to respect the environment and the fact that water is as valuable as gold here where rain is as welcome as a winning lottery ticket.
Hello Susan,lovely to meet you!
DeleteYour lifestyle sounds idyllic, personal service is something which I love ... not being served at a checkout by someone who can't lift her eyes from a magazine ... yes really!!
We take so much for granted, and it's time to simplify, because nothing lasts forever, I'm afraid
Love Claire xxx
With the changes in my personal life going on at the moment, I have been simplifying things - I am back to shopping with the butchers & greengrocers with the bulky boring things being delivered fortnightly - this has made the shopping bill plummet which is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteThe next stage is to downsize our house - we've agreed to sell up with the boys & I planning to move into somewhere smaller once this house is sold - quite looking forward to this - life is going to be simpler and its a challenge I am more than ready for :)
DeleteHi Vicki, wherever you end up, sweetie, it will be a fabulous home for your boys!
I'm glad you're feeling excited about it too, a new house to titivate!
Has your green dress had an outing yet? Pictures please!
Love Claire xxx
I know exactly how you feel, I am no longer married, my husband walked out on me and our 3 daughters 7 years ago and things have been tough. I too furnished my house with second hand finds, I made all the curtains and blinds and even some of the furniture and I learned how to be thrifty out of necessity but, and here is the thing, I am happier now than I have ever been. I grow my own veg too and I am currently in the process of building a chicken house so I can get some chickens. I have very little money and there is never anything left at the end of the month. I am also supporting one of my daughters through uni and my youngest daughter is still living at home but we are doing ok. People look at me pityingly when I tell them I have no husband and look at me as if I'm barking mad when I tell them I am building a chicken coop or mending the fences in my field but I definitely wouldn't change it for anything. For the most part, I wake up happy and I go to sleep happy, my daughters are all happy and content and in this life, if that is all I ever achieve then that's ok by me.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteOh Kay, I loved this comment! Money DOESN'T buy happiness! Well done to you for achieving all that and being happy too ... you've also given your 3 daughters great values to live by themselves. You haven't had it easy, but there's no need to pity you! A friend (ex) once called me 'eccentric' and was puzzled when I took it as a compliment, but hey, my eccentricity is becoming quite fashionable now!
Have a great life
Love Claire xxx
Hello Claire, I just love your post and couldn't have written it better myself, you and your family live your life very much the way me and mine do!
ReplyDeleteI am a stay at home Mum too even though my youngest is almost a teenager now. I enjoy being at home when they walk in and doing all the homely jobs with a spring in my step. Before having children I was earning a healthly amount but we bought second hand furniture back then too, I like to call it Preloved.
We don't go away for a holiday every year, one big reason is that the prices rocket during school holidays and have never been overseas, poor us ;)
We are happier now than ever, even though we can't afford certain things straight away, we don't have loans so we have to save. People do struggle to understand why we don't live the 'norm', getting into enormous debt for material things.
I throughly enjoyed reading this post and I'm off to grab my sewing, a great big mug of tea and read through your older posts now and looking forward to it!
Beckah X
Hello Beckah, welcome to Thriftwood! Your life sounds lovely, and it means you don't have to rush about,chasing your tail, trying to earn enough for the next big 'must have' item!
DeleteFunny, I don't feel quite so eccentric now, after reading all these lovely comments!
Have a lovely day
Claire xxx
thnx for ur beautiful and inspiring post.as a mum of two young kids who has chosen to raise them (along with hubby) in a simple way,its lovely to read ur thoughts on what materialism means to u.i love filling our home with second hand treasures and handmade bits and bobs.i love teaching our kids about where our food comes from (something i was never taught growing up!) i love the fact that me and mr coleman both only work part time so that we are both very present in family life. i love prioritising my local community,and engaging with all our wacky and wonderful neighbours and local shopkeepers.however,with young kids,its sumtimes easy to feel judged: judged for not buying bigger and shinier toys for our kids,for not living in a larger family home,for not earning enough to live a particular type of lifestyle,or for spending most of our time locally (our suburb in melbourne is not considered by many as 'nice'-even though we love it)...yet our life is filled with laughter,joy,good food,great neighbours,wonderful friends,creativity,music and love...
ReplyDeleteand thats what matters to me!
i love ur blog by the way.makes me want to jump on the first plane from australia to the uk!
mezz
(mezzmakesstuff)
AW Mezz, I'm filling up reading your lovely comments! You are doing it right, don't worry! Your kids don't need the latest lumps of plastic to be happy, they need memories of happy times spent with you! A picnic on the carpet ... doesn't cost anything really, and they'll remember it more than a trip to McDonald's ... don't get me wrong, I did all that myself, but I've learnt from my mistakes!You mention being judged ... in my experience, the people doing the judging are the ones least satisfied with their own lives!
DeleteHave a lovely day and nice chatting to you!
Love Claire xxx
Hello Mrs! This struck a cord with me also, Claire....As you know we lived on your little island too...My mum shopped for every thing from the local shops there! (remember Strickland's think that is where the New ( awful) Tesco direct is now! YEY the good old days...Getting of me soap box now...Just let me know what Tuesday you can do? We have lots to catch up on !hehe..Love Maria x
ReplyDelete
DeleteHello Maria! I wish with all my heart that Strickland's was still there, or even Mr Newsagent's! Tesco has only been open 4 days, all the schoolkids are migrating there in their dinner hours, it's noisy, there's nowhere to park ... and it's adjacent to 2 primary schools! Grrr ...
Can't wait to catch up, will be in touch soon
Love Claire xxx
What a lovely and thought-provoking post, Claire. Funnily enough, just last week I was thinking how much I dislike supermarket grocery shopping (I love most other shopping though!)and decided that with immediate effect, I was going to start buying the meat etc from the butcher and the veggies etc from the greengrocer in our little village. They are both so lovely & friendly and reasonably priced and I really can't think now why I haven't started this a long time ago. I also left a career that I loved and that provided a generous income and so many fabulous opportunities and experiences, but felt had become too all-consuming, to be able to spend more time with my hubby & pups. It was made such a difference in our lives, and sure we've had to cut back on some things but at the same time it's given us the chance to do so much else too. So now I get to spend quality time with the people and things that are important. We still do lots of travelling (we don't have children to educate/clothe/feed etc!)but we don't eat out as much. I have had people remark on the fact that we chose for me to "retire" young - even using horrible words like "spoilt", "boring" and "lazy". But as much as they are entitled to an opinion, for us the words would be "happy, peaceful & content". My life is full and I am never bored !
ReplyDeleteSo I say, good for you. I think the world would be a much happier place if more people took your views too.
Thanks again for an interesting post,
have a great week,
love Gilly xx
DeleteHello Gilly, I think that the people calling you spoilt, boring and lazy are maybe just a little jealous that they daren't take the leap into enjoying their life away from the material things! If they knew you, they would know that you are certainly none of those things! Kind, talented and loyal, are words that are more appropriate to you ...
Love Claire xxx
I'm with you all the way! (Except for the chickens - they kind of freak me out). Simple is good.
ReplyDeleteEleanor xxx
DeleteHaha, they freaked me out a bit at first Eleanor, but they are so funny it doesn't last long (a little secret, I still can't pick them up, as I'm scared of their claws!)
Love Claire xxx
Great post - I fully understand what you are saying. I lead a quiet, simple life and it suits me fine. But there is pressure to conform which I try my best to ignore!
ReplyDeleteLiz @ Shortbread & Ginger
ReplyDeleteHello Liz, always lovely to have you drop in to Thriftwood!
Love Claire xxx
Great post - I think the word here is 'choice' everyone should be able to make their own choices without anyone else making condecending comments and be able to live their own lives as they choose.
ReplyDeleteLike the lady above - I too was left on my own to bring up 3 teenage children - I managed by going out to work and at times doing a full time job along with 2 part time ones each evening. Then I didn't have a choice - it was what I had to do to pay the mortgage, to keep the roof over our heads and feed the kids.
I think the other word that comes into play here is perception - working women percieve non working women to have it easy and non working women percieve working women to have the holidays abroad etc., and yet in this day and age neither side have it as easy or as fruitful as the other side see it.
My income hasn't paid for holidays abroad etc., - most importantly I own my own home outright now, (no one will ever threaten my security of a roof over our heads again),it means I keep a decent car on the road, my independance of being able to go where I want, is important to me, it's paid for education, I've been able to help pay for weddings for 2 of my children and now it means I can help my children with the costs of grandchildren and their education.
They are my choices and I choose to work to achieve those choices. That doesn't make me right or anyone else who chooses differently wrong (and don't get me wrong I moan about the stress that working gives me, but I still choose to go into work each day)
All I would say to any women who stays at home is life can change overnight - be sure that you have a little pot of money put away somewhere, that's yours and your's alone so if life does deal you a hard blow, then that little pot of cash will allow you the time to consider your choices after life's left hook has left you reeling.
In my job I have seen so many women walk through the door, both young and old, without a clue as to how they are going to pay the bills or debts that they've been left with, through no fault of their own. It can be heart breaking to see them reeling from this blow.
I hope that people see that I'm judging anyone - it's all down to the individual and their choice, I hope that I haven't upset anyone and I'm sorry for such a long comment xxx
ReplyDeleteHello Trudie, don't ever apologise for a long comment, I love reading them, and want to hear it from every angle, not just people who agree with me!
You're so right in what you say, that it is all about choice, I hope that I put that across too, my way isn't everyone's 'right' way nor is theirs mine ... a lot of my friends would go bonkers being at home all day, I'd go bonkers in an office, thinking what I could be doing at home. Horses for courses, as in everything in this life!
Lovely of you to drop in ... see you soon
Love Claire xxx
We too have lived this kind of lifestyle for a number of years. I gave up full time work when I had little H and can say in all honesty that it was the best thing I ever did. We also made small sacrifices but I was lucky having a man that earned a decent wage which allowed me to spend precious time with my baby.
ReplyDeleteI am working more hours now than I have been accustomed to, but I still only work part time. Like you say sometimes you feel you have to justify this to other people but I love my life and wouldn't have it any other way.
: )
Hello Mrs H, why do we have to justify our way of life? It doesn't seem to happen the other way round ...
DeleteLove Claire xxx
I wish more people would adopt a simpler life, instead of having to have the newest, biggest, best. There is so much uneccessary debt in this country. We live as simple a life as we can. I work and my husband is trying to build up a small business from home after being made redundant. We have an old car, save hard for a holiday every other year and go camping the rest of the time. We love country walks that cost nothing, but most importantly we own all that we have and have no debt. That makes me happy. I would love to be at home more but we need my salary and I accept that, always holding on to the dream that "maybe one day ...".
ReplyDeleteM x
Maybe one day ... But you're halfway there anyway ...
DeleteI agree whole heartedly. We took early retirement in our mid-50's because the time it gave us was for more important than the extra money we would have had if we had kept working.
ReplyDeleteGetting the right balance is the key ... more time versus more money ... Unfortunately most people can't have both ... But as I always say, money doesn't buy happiness!
ReplyDeleteLove Claire xxx
I would definitely like to stay at home! I would read and crochet all day long! I know you pop over to my blog frequently. I am hosting my very 1st giveaway. Check it out!
ReplyDeleteI'm on my way, Tammy, put the kettle on!
DeleteLove Claire xxx
Oooh I love this post Claire, right up my street
ReplyDeleteI too gave up work to bring my children up, yes we struggled but always managed a little holiday with them, even if it was a week in my brother's caravan, but they thought it was great!
And yes my shopping was done in my little local shops with a loaded pram (toddler on top as well as baby and shopping underneath..but everybody knew each other and life seemed a lot simpler then..
As you know Fin is my second hubby, and we had made a life for ourselves in Cornwall together..
then we were hit by a bombshell..his job was at risk and he had to take a large pay cut and move ..I felt so helpless as I did not work (just sold flowers and plants from our garden)
So we sold our cottage, moved to the Moorlands and Fin started a new job all in six months, we were very lucky especially in the current climate..(I always think there is someone looking after us)
So now we live a very simple life, we do not have the funds for holidays but manage a weekend here and there..If we need anything for our home I source it from C shops or ebay..and recycle as much as we possibly can (Fin's job is environmental)
Yes like you love being at home, baking, sewing, gardening and just being me..I always support my children in what ever way I can
yes I live a simple life but a lovely one
From your friend
Thea x
Our life has not always been easy Thea, like yours, but as long as I can put food on the table, pay the bills and not have a miserable existence I'm happy... my children aren't really materialistic either, and none of them have ever followed the herd, they know what they like and stick with it, rather than just liking stuff to 'fit in'. I was chatting to someone about you on Saturday, we were both saying how we love your blog!
ReplyDeleteLove Claire xxx
I think if more people felt this way there would be a lot less unhappiness. Many people tend to accept the idea that you can measure success by the size of your car or the clothes that you wear. I couldn't disagree with them more. Life is about feeling fulfilled - some find this through a career, others through bringing up a family. It is about looking at what really matters to you and not feeling judged by others. You sound as though you have found your own balance and have a lovely family to share it with x Jane
ReplyDeleteThank you Jane, you've summed me up very well! I agree with everything you say, and thanks for dropping in ....
DeleteClaire xxx
Your words and aims strike a cord with me too. From the dreaming and thinking of the past and recycling a leading a simpler life. I am convinced you can find more joy in a less materialistic world. I'm glad my children aren't growing up now - my colleagues children seem to spend some much time linked up to new technology rather than have the imaginery games my children and also I had.
ReplyDeleteSarah x
Hello Sarah, thanks for dropping in! I'm glad my children aren't small because the peer pressure seems to be getting worse ... But from the parents, not the children! Everything seems to be a competition, toys, clothes, phones and don't get me started on parties! I'm opting out!
ReplyDeleteClaire xxx
This is such a thought provoking and heartfelt post Claire. You and I are very similar in our outlook it seems. I'd be so happy just to 'be' here at home. Unfortunately it looks like I'll be working until I'm 70! But ... joking apart I know that if we made real cut backs and were extremely frugal we could scrape by - I think its just fear of the unknown and fear of being without the safety net of two incomes. I missed out on a lot of my children's growing up time due to pursuing the career path that never really amounted to anything much. So many wasted years doing something I hated. Ho hum!! Maybe its time to seize the day and spend time 'living gently'. (Oo that turned into a bit of a stream of consciousness! sorry !) Love Kim x
ReplyDeleteHello Kim, I know what you mean about the 'safety net' ... it would be hard to give it up after having it for so long but we never really have! I was at home when the children were little doing little part time jobs here and there and then became a child minder 11 years ago ... we've become so used to tightening our belts, we should all be size zero by now! It's not as bleak as I'm making it sound, good food, a comfortable home, just that none of it cost a lot and even if I won the lottery (I don't buy tickets) I'd still live like this!
DeleteHave a lovely week, and love your craft cottage
Love Claire xxx
I totally agree with you, and I'm trying to live a more simple life. I would like to move to the country, having more space, trying to be more self sufficient. That's something I can dream about. I've never bought a new car, or new furniture, everything always second hand. When My children were little I always went to a farmers camping here in Holland, and they have such good memories about those holidays. But I do like to travel, inexpensive as possible. My 2 boys are customed to this way of living, and my eldest, who is a student now, showed me last weekend his ""new" shoes, cost 3 euro!! I think one should try to live the life one wishes for. All around me I see that's it's getting much more common to try to recycle things, to live a more sustainable life. Groetjes, Gerda
ReplyDeleteHello Gerda, lovely to have you here! I love that you've passed your thriftiness on to your children, I think that I have too, time will tell! They may run a mile from second hand things, but somehow I think they won't.
DeleteLove Claire xxx
Sounds like you have things well in hand. I applaud your thriftyness. We have access to home grown beef (our brother-in-law) so we know what we are eating, we also get eggs from him. We grow a vegetable garden and we shop at an Amish store which has more organic items. We also don't eat out as much as we use to. We don't buy anything new unless we truly need it and like you, we recycle or send to the Goodwill shop the old things. A wonderful post, Claire.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Sharon
Hello Sharon, we're definitely flying the thrifty flag!
DeleteLove Claire xxx
claire, sorry this is late, but my motto is to thine own be true, and that has never let me down! I love your honest post and your way of life! I would so love the more traditional ways to come back too! and I wish that more people lived like you with a more simple love and approach to life, love your post!
ReplyDeleteHello ... you're not late at all, I read all my comments no matter which post they relate to as they come through my email first. I only wrote this on Monday morning, so you're a newcomer!
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of people would love to embrace this way of life, I wish it was easier, but by making our own meals, re-using instead of buying new, and making do and mending we save a lot of money, so that's a start anyway. Just simplifying everything is the key really ... I really need to sort wardrobes out and have a car boot sale!
Love Claire xxx
Hello Claire. Well I think you have created a debate and it's great to see that everyone's very positive. I think your life sounds ideal. I often felt guilty at being a stay at home Mum and found myself constantly justifying why. " My husband and I do jobs that involve shifts" and " I don't have any family to help". I think expectations are too high today. Everyone has to have the newest gadget new car and holiday abroad. They are missing out on the simple things and never satisfied. After being made redundant I laugh at friends who complain they're short of cash and then say they've booked a four week holiday abroad. At the moment I'm reading a book on mindfulness. It's definitely helped me to stop worrying and live in the moment. If everyone just got on with their own lives and stopped scrutinizing others the world would be a better place. Hope you have a lovely week doing whatever you enjoy. I have to say I'm very envious if your chickens :)
ReplyDeleteAli x
Hello Ali, my life is far from ideal! I didn't want to come across as being 'perfect' just wanted to say that we do have choices, and this is mine ... I also had no-one at all to look after my children, I may have gone back to work if there had been doting grandparents waiting in the wings! Childminding was the obvious choice for me, I was there for my own children, while earning money at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI think you are so right ... Wish everyone would get on with their own lives without thinking they need to know everything about everyone else's, and make their judgements about them ... Live and let live!
Love Claire xxx
PS hope you get your chickens one day! Xx
Love Claire xxx
Well like you I can remember shopping in individual shops and not the soulless supermarkets, and still do this on a smaller scale today, only because there are less of the individual shops. This is why I prefer to shop in a nearby seaside town rather than the market town... the latter has a high street with either too many boarded up shops or just en endless string of chain stores: apart from the lovely historic architecture in the older parts, you could be in any large town anywhere in the country.
ReplyDeleteWe drive an old car, one that is economic to run, never gives us any problems, passes all her emission tests with ease etc. She is almost twenty years old and we've had her for all bar three of them. We have never had foreign holidays, always self catering in the UK, but now don't bother with those either. We have been to most areas, and now feel we have all we need right here so why pay to go elsewhere?
Never waste food, never throw leftovers or unused food away. Can't remember when we last bought new furniture but it has to be over ten years ago.
No interest in clothes, so don't spend money on them, or haircuts or makeup.
Grow our own veggies and soft fruit, salads and herbs and would have chickens only I'm not allowed for medical reasons.
Our one 'vice' is books, couldn't live without them.
A simple, quiet life... some say selfish or hedonistic... some say snobbish as we keep to ourselves. Let them say what they like, water off the proverbial duck's back.
I'm with you all the way, living in the castle on the next door cloud!
I need to take lessons from you Maggie! Oh ... and I can't think of a nicer neighbour xxx
DeleteOh and I never felt guilty about being a stay at home Mum, but it was more the norm in the 70s, none of my friends worked outside the home either.
ReplyDeleteI feel guilty about everything Maggie! And always feel like I should justify my existence ... going to stop it right now!!
DeleteLove Claire xxx
sounds to me like you have a great life.
ReplyDeleteGillx
Hello Gill thans fir dropping in!
DeleteLve Claire xxx
Well said, I'm all for a simple life, a bit of luxury is great now and again but I really do appreciate what I have! Have a great week! :) x
ReplyDeleteHello Ada, ooh yes, a treat every now and then is lovely ... All the time would be bit tedious, haha!
DeleteLove Claire xxx
Hello there,
ReplyDeleteI've been catching up on my blog reading this afternoon and just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading this post and all the comments.
When my children were young I was the bread winner, my husband looked after them (he was unable to work due to ill health) Sadly he died a few years ago - losing someone that is so much a part of you makes you realize how important it is to appreciate what we have when we have it.
My two sons (my boys as I still call them) are both living away from home at the moment, one at Uni, and the other has just finished his course.
Last year I started working part time - for the first time in my life ! What a shock - all this time to do what I wanted - it seemed very weird. But now I cook and bake more than I ever did, enjoy working in the garden, sawing logs and trying to grow vegetables, walking the dog, but generally just trying to fully appreciate what I have.
Hello Diana, welcome to Thriftwood! Thank you for telling your story, and I'm so glad you've come through the bad times and can enjoy life once again.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to getting to know you!
Love Claire xxx
Oh Claire, what a lot of reading you've created with this post! I read the post on Monday, but was feeling too blue to respond. I've never really mentioned on my blog that I too am a child minder (I feel like we're all sitting in a circle on plastic chairs and confessing our vises here!). Here at home I'm just referred to as 'the sitter' which I hate. I used to work in downtown Toronto as a law clerk in a very stressful job with a litigation law firm. Seems like ages ago now, but I decided to switch to a job in order to work in my hometown and thereby be closer to my young daughter during the day (when I worked in the city I always worried if something should happen to her it'd take me 2 hours to get home to her). Unfortunately, I was shortly laid off and that was the start of my stay-at-home career of caring for other people's children. I loved it at first, and was really fortunate to have kids who were friends with my kids even outside my daycare, but now I feel I'm always justifying myself to others. When most mothers go back to work once their kids start school, I stayed on at home, and my kids are now in university & high school. Even now I'm always chewing myself up wondering if I made the right decision. But if I had gone back to work in the city, I think I would wonder if I should've stayed home for my kids! I missed my daughter horribly when I was working, and we wouldn't get home till 6:30 every night. It was awful really to raise a child like that ... stuff their dinner into them, bathe them and off to bed! My husband and I finally agreed that it was important to our kids to have me home with them. Thinking back I'm glad I was there during all their illnesses, and all the school holidays when I at least never worried about what to do with them (especially for 2 months of summer holidays). I guess what I'm missing now is the 'glamour' of a good job downtown and an end to young children in my house. I've been running my home daycare for (gulp!) 16 years, and I think/know my family is tired of sharing their home. We've also had to scrimp and get by on less than others, but we had camping holidays with the kids through all those years, and we've really enjoyed that. We've had a few good holidays too (that is, where we got on a plane, or drove to the States), but they have been few and far between. It's sad to realize that we're always being judged by our neighbours, and I'm disappointed in a few of mine who question my decision to stay home "you're STILL doing daycare?!". I don't want to work out of the home now, I've been my own boss for too long! And despite what a lot of people think, I don't have 'time to myself' during the day, and I'm beat at the end of it. My job is more time restrictive than if I worked out of the home, with long hours and no 'breaks' for lunch ... you just can't ignore babies & toddlers, they require full-time attention and entertaining!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, bottom line is I need to come to grips with what I do for a living, and forget what others think of me ... life is much too short to have regrets.
... and now back to our regular programming ... ;) Wendy
Oh Wendy, I know exactly where you're coming from!
ReplyDeleteI get called 'Mother Goose', 'The Pied Piper' 'the babysitter', etc ...no-one seems to realise the number of hoops and red tape childminders have to jump through nowadays, just to stay open!
We are providing a very valuable service which working parents couldn't do without, but don't feel that we are recognised for it by others.
I know I did what was right at the time, and it has worked out for me, and I'm sure you would have done the same thing too. There does come a time though when you question whether it is still the right though?
Thank you for your comment which I feel came straight from the heart, and hope you're not feeling too blue today ... It's a cold and frosty morning here today, hope nthe sun is shining for you too!
Love Claire xxx
Hi Claire,
ReplyDeleteYou have shared a great post and thanks for sharing, sounds like you have a wonderful life, with your family and being self sufficient. Living on an Island, has taught me many things, and its not all about keeping up with the Jones, but to just be happy with your own lot.
Wish I could send over a little of our sun and warmth to you, Spring will be coming there for you soon.
Hope you are enjoying the week
hugs
Carolyn
Thank you Carolyn ... we're far from being self-sufficient, just a few eggs and veg in the summer, but we do our bit!
ReplyDeleteThe weather has been lovely here in NW England for the past week or so, still very cold, but bright blue skies and sunshine ... Spring's definitely on the way!
Love Claire xxx
Great post - made me think even more about all that's happening. Guess it's the same for most of us. A few lifestyle changes are on the cards for us - life's too short not to enjoy it. I'm sticking fairly well to my motto for this year 'to Dare to go confidently in the direction of your dreams - lead the life you imagine' it's been helping me avoid the obstacles that are so our excuses for 'not-doing'!
ReplyDeleteGreat motto Adaliza, one I'd like to live up to!
DeleteLove Claire xxx
At last, someone who says things as they are! I'm afraid I am a full time working mum, always have been. But I yearn, so badly, to get out of the rat race and just do what I want to do i.e. do the school run (they are teenagers now so probably wouldn't appreciate it), make great dinners for them (they probably wouldn't eat them), take them out (they don't want to be seen with me in the street). I have missed out on so much. The good thing is that my hubby is a retired fireman and so he has taken up the reigns but they have a role reversal with the way they behave to 'mum and dad'. After reading your post and everyone's comments, my mind is made up, part time work will have to become reality. I want to enjoy my home, garden, crafts, (blogs!), and family. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, which as a secretary/PA means I am still looking after people and keeping my business head in gear, but it's hard sometimes to be the person I want to be. Thank you, this has been really thought provoking. From your newest follower. Chel
ReplyDeleteHello Chel, welcome to Thriftwood and thanks for your great comments and for becoming my newest follower! Have popped over to you and look forward to getting to know you soon xxx
DeleteGreat post, Claire! You got me thinking and, judging by the response, lots of other people too. Each to their own, I think. I realise more and more each year that all that matters is my health and my family's health. Everything else is a bonus. :-)
ReplyDeleteGillian x
Family is everything Gillian, and I completely agree, each to their own xxx
ReplyDeleteHi Claire, I'm new here and what a wonderful post to arrive at! Apologies for the late comment. I'm a mum of 5 too and chose to stay at home full-time. We live a simple life similar to what you describe, out of economic necessity but also because I enjoy living simply. I love being thrifty. I had a career prior to having children and enjoyed it immensely but as soon as I had my first child, I just couldn't imagine leaving my baby and going back to work. I really felt like I had to justify my not returning to work after the standard 12 months maternity leave allowed by our government but so glad I stuck to my guns. Almost 9 years on, I have absolutely no regrets. I agree that it's not for everyone and I have plenty of friends who do different things to me but nice to meet other like-minded souls :-) Mel x
ReplyDeleteWelcome Mel ... I'm jut going to pop over to you xxx
ReplyDeleteOh Claire, what a breath of fresh air this post is! I'm not surprised you have so many comments.
ReplyDeleteI worked on and off when my children were small, but only in jobs I could do from home, or part time in hours to suit my family. As far as the four children were concerned I was a stay at home Mum, I was almost always there when they were. It was a necessity that I brought some money in then but now they are all independent pretty much and I still lead a simple life similar to the one you describe, partly due, I admit, to health problems that have stopped me getting back into the workplace, but also by choice. I am lucky that as an artist, teacher and academic I've been able to mix and match having a career and raising a family in the way that I have, going short on sleep and fancy holidays but not much else.
Right now I'm feeling guilty that all the furniture for my new studio has come from Ikea (!) but nothing I could find second hand would fit :(
Ooh Annie ... A new studio sounds tres exciting! Can't wait to hear all about it.
DeleteThanks for your lovely comments, you're always welcome here!
Love Claire xxx
Dear Claire
ReplyDeleteCould we please meet up over a cup of tea or two? We could chat for a fair while I think! My frequent 'cry' at the moment is: 'What sort of world/society have we built!'. The sprawl of shops and concrete, the cars going round and round, the waste, the endless waste. I feel like imploding with it all! Dom asked my the other day: 'Why do you always buy reduced bread?' I think my reply went on for about 20 minutes....poor Dom (who up until two years ago always made the bread fresh every day but the children moaned about the crusts!!!). Like your good self I could have returned to work full-time and had lots more money but we made a decision to have less money but (hopefully) have more time. I certainly would be earning more than Dom and as I (constantly) say to the children - we have what we have because over the years we have gone without! It boils down to that 'make do' philosophy doesn't it Claire. For nearly 30 years Dom and I 'made do' and...eventually...that pays off I think both spiritually and materially.
Now I am the one who is rambling....get the kettle on and and I can really get it off my chest!
Best wishes
Jenny
The kettles always on, Jenny! xxx
ReplyDelete